Why we are still married after 21 years

This weekend marks my 21st anniversary with my wife, Kori. We were 19 years old when we married, unprepared in so many ways, yet madly in love. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” I consider myself one of those who has found a GREAT thing and have experienced much favor from the Lord.

To commemorate this weekend and to encourage all couples toward a healthier marriage, I developed a list of 10 things Kori has done so well which has produced 21 years of a happy, healthy marriage:

Jesus Infatuation – The most important relationship to my wife is not me, but Jesus. If it were me, she would be disappointed because of my constant failures and petty arguments. But for 21 years, Kori has run to Jesus. She loves Him and He wants her. She has “Jesus retreat days” where it is just “Jesus and her.” And He restores her soul and makes her happy. Even on my best days, I could not compete with the love of Jesus. He is the true and better Craig, who satisfies every longing Kori has.
Loving Affirmation – Words matter. Kori calls me love, babe, honey. She affirms my sermons (even when they stink.) She stands by me (even when others reject me.) When I fail, she shows mercy. When I’m rude, she shows respect. This type of affirmation is what makes a marriage thrive!
Courageous Confrontation – Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. I’ve been short-tempered and impatient. Kori would admit to some of her own failings. But through the years, when I have needed confrontation for my failures, she has courageously yet respectfully confronted me. It has made me a better man. I don’t always respond well at first, but eventually I come around to see that “Kori is always right.”
Forgiving Disposition – After 21 years, there is no baggage of unforgiveness or resentment. There have been hurts and misunderstandings; but, nothing remains under the rug or unresolved. After all this time, having a wife who regularly forgives what I do is a remarkable gift to a blessed man.
Playful Adoration – I will spare you many details on this one! However, one of the traits that is often missing in marriages is playfulness…variety. Imagine you are at a restaurant and see a couple in a corner booth, giggling, holding hands, and telling stories. Are they married or single? You would assume they are single, right? Well, over the years, Kori has remained playful and engaging and has not lost the youthful adoration of her young lover. What a joy!
Verbal Elevation – “You’re the best! You’re handsome! You’re skinny!” And the list goes on. She is never one to put down, always one to build up, and to put up. Kori has elevated me, far beyond what I deserve. I know that she’s on my side, not on my case. She’s a balcony person, not a basement person. No matter how much I get torn down by the critics, I always know I have an advocate at home.
Gentle Relaxation – There’s a saying: “It’s better to have problems in the barn than in the house.” Meaning, there are a lot of problems I face and challenges I encounter, and almost all of them are work/church related, but at home, there is gentle relaxation. Kori has made our home a place of peace…a home of rest. I look forward to home as a respite from the day’s labors. What a delight!
Supportive Consideration – In 21 years, we have agreed on most things, deferred on some things, but have unified on all things. We believe in male headship, yes; but, we also believe in mutual submission, and that we are co-heirs of the grace of Christ. Therefore, I elevate her opinion and seek her council. One thing Kori has done so well is supportive consideration. After all of our discussions over a decision, she will say: “Craig, I trust you and I’m with you.” That type of respect and support has made me trust her more and value the type of person God has created her to be.
Financial Cooperation – I’ve heard that finances can create huge problems in marriages. For Kori and I, finances have been an area where we have seen much joy through generosity. Seeds of generosity have been sown into us, and in turn, those seeds have germinated into increased desire to generously supply for needs around the world. What a joy to be on the same page, financially, with a remarkably generous woman!
Prayerful Saturation – Where would I be without Kori’s prayers? I have no idea. She has saturated our home and our marriage with prayer. She talks to the Lord, seeks Him on my behalf, and is eager in asking the Lord for things on my behalf. Because of her faith, she usually gets what she asks for!