Dear New Hope,

We’ve all been there. There’s no sense in denying it. You’ve gathered around a table, eating a meal, sitting face to face with family or friends, and someone has the nerve to be playing on their iPhone or gadget. They’re physically present but emotionally distant. They’re either playing a game (showing total disregard for the people at the table) or they’re texting someone (showing that they value digital communication more than face to face communication). I’ve been guilty of this. My kids have. Many of you have.

If you have teenagers who seem addicted to their phones, you’re not alone. A recent national study shows 13-17-yr-olds prefer to communicate with peers via texting above all else. The #1 way teens prefer to communicate is texting (35%,) followed by in-person (32%,) then through social media (16%,) then video chatting (10%,) and finally talking on the phone (5%) (Wall Street Journal Report, “For Teens, Face Time Loses Out to Screens,” Sept. 11, 2018). By the way, if you’ve ever been frustrated when a teenager won’t answer their phone, just text them. It’s amazing how teens are wired to communicate through texting. Just as the native language of Satan is lying, so texting is the native tongue of teenagers.

Many of us have formed bad habits when it comes to technology. Some of these bad habits include:

• Being on our devices at mealtimes while others are at the table.
• Compulsively checking our phones for updates or messages (like once every minute.)
• Talking on our phones while checking out at the grocery store.
• Valuing our phones over children or a spouse who deserves our undivided attention.

In a recent news article called, “Willpower Eased iPhone Addiction,” Joanna Stern writes that it takes sheer willpower to overcome some of our bad habits. Her technology habits were so all-consuming that her mom actually emailed her, saying, “Your phone is your best friend.” Ouch. Think of it! Maybe that indictment is true for many of us. After all, a best friend is someone who is with us all the time, who we can’t leave home without, who we connect with through the day, and, if they leave on vacation, we miss them terribly. Have you ever left your phone at home or lost it, then panicked because you don’t know how to live without it? Maybe you too, have a slight case of iPhone addiction.

How do we break these bad habits and be free from technology addiction? Stern says that such bad habits can only “be broken with an act of conscious willpower.” In other words, to overcome an addiction to her phone, she had to make very specific changes that would deliver her from the magnetic pull of her device. For example, Stern says that she had to:

• Set limits on how often she used certain apps.
• Shut down all apps and notifications at 11pm.
• Place the phone out of sight so she was not tempted to check it.
• Recognize that her addiction was affecting her relationships with loved ones, especially her own son.

As followers of Jesus, this is good counsel but it goes even deeper. How often, I wonder, does addiction to our phones or gadgets distract us from the higher and better priorities of spending time with Jesus? One author I’m currently reading got to the point where he resolved, “No Bible, No Breakfast.” In other words, he recognized how prone he was to start a day running full speed ahead with the demands of work and pleasure without stopping long enough to say, “Good morning, Lord.” So, his practice for a few decades now is very simply, “No Bible, No Breakfast.” He prioritizes time with the Lord before he puts any food in his mouth. A simple but very practical step to prioritize what is most essential in life.

So, in addition to the steps of willpower that Sterns offers above, let me add a few suggestions. These are not for everyone, and you may adapt them based on your stage of life, but consider this:

• Set your phone aside at regular times so that you can more fully enjoy those around you.
• Be available to those in your presence more than you are to those on the other end of the digital world.
• Delete any apps that are unnecessary or are soaking up too much of your time.
• Stop notifications which constantly bombard you with unnecessary bings and dings.

And finally, I say: Pray. Overcoming addiction to iPhones or gadgets cannot be by sheer willpower. Ask God to give you grace and power to resist the magnetic pull of the digital world so that you can better fall in love with Jesus.

As a fellow addict to technology, I walk side by side with you in your pursuit of joy.

You are loved,

Craig Trierweiler